Seis Horas

Every morning, my freshly showered and ready-for-work husband comes back into the bedroom. He then approaches me - un-showered, morning breath, frizzy hair as tall as a skyscraper, and retainer in the mouth - to give me a kiss goodbye. Every. Single. Morning. Some mornings it's to wake me up and other days I go right back to sleep. But, I count on those few seconds that my husband shows that he loves me before leaving for the day. They make me feel important and valued which gives me the motivation and confidence to accomplish the day's tasks. A few seconds has that much impact on the rest of the fifteen hours of the day.

On completion from reading John Gottman's (2015) book titled "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert" he writes about the "magic six hours." He said that after observing couples whose marriages improved, he noticed that what distinguished them from those who did not was that they were only dedicated six hours more to their marriage every week (p. 278). I personally believe that if someone only had time to read one chapter form Gottman's book, it would be on the magic six hours. It's a simple concept, but I believe it incorporates a lot of the principles that are taught throughout the book. If you have read the book, it's a good way to tie everything that has been learned together and put it into practice.

How does one make their extra six hours magical?

Gottman said that each couple was unique in how they spent their extra six hours, but that there were clear patterns that emerged among the couples (pp. 278-279):

#1 Partings

Not only does Spencer give me a goodbye kiss, but most mornings we end up talking about something we have planned for the day or ask each other questions. Gottman said, "Make sure that before you say good-bye in the morning you've learned about one thing that is happening in your souse's life that day - from lunch with the boss to a doctor's appointment to a scheduled phone call with a friend."

#2 Reunions

Gottman recommends that a six-second kiss, a hug, and a 20 minute long de-stressing conversation is the best way to come home every day. There is nothing I look forward to more than my husband coming straight to find me as soon as he walks in the door.

#3 Admiration and Appreciation

Say "I love you" every day and mean it. Notice what your spouse did while you were away and show appreciation for what they did. Let your spouse know how much you appreciate who they are and what they mean to you.

#4 Affection

Physical affection isn't just for one time of the day! Start the day with a kiss, hug when you are reunited, cuddle on the couch while watching your favorite Netflix series, and make time for intimacy. My favorite was when Gottman said, "[Always] lace your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness for your partner."

#5 Weekly Date

This is the prime time to enhance each other's love maps! Learn more about your spouse's past, discover their stresses of the present, and dream about the future together! Just two hours a week makes a huge difference in learning more about each other and cultivating romance.

#6 State of the Union Meeting

This is the time to utilize the problem-solving skills that Gottman teaches about which include using gentle start-ups and listening without getting defensive. This is a time to reflect on the week, make plans for the next week, and solve any un-resolved problems.


Whether it's two hours or two seconds, all six of these will add up to your magical six hours. I know there's definitely some areas I need to work on so I can have an even more successful and happy marriage. For example, I know spending an extra hour every week to meet together can really improve our relationship and provide more opportunities to be vulnerable and problem-solve together. I am so grateful for the research and principles that were shared throughout this book and the impact that it can have in marriages across the world, including my own.

References

Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide form the country's foremost relationship expert. Harmony 

              Books.