La Ignorancia

When Spencer and I were engaged, people would ask me what I loved most about our relationship. I loved, and still love, our ability to have open communication. We were very open and vulnerable with each other, just like I would have been with any of my best friends. Talking about sex before we got married didn't make us uncomfortable. However, we felt unprepared for that new dynamic in our lives and weren't quite sure where to turn to. Luckily, Spencer's mother invited us to listen to a podcast titled "What You Wish You Knew Before Your Honeymoon with Alisha Worthington" provided by Mormon Marriages. Listening to this podcast together had a huge impact on our smooth transition into marriage. However, I wish that I had known about the amount and availability of wholesome resources that were available going into marriage and a honeymoon.

The Four Horsemen of Sexual Fulfillment

Sean E. Brotherson spoke of four things that will inhibit sexual fulfillment: ignorance, inhibition, ill will, and immorality. On the subject of ignorance, he said the following: 

I am convinced that ignorance is perhaps the most costly deficiency when it comes to sexual fulfillment between marital partners. A failure to understand your own body, your partner's responses, and the essential ingredients of a healthy sexual relationship quickly becomes a failure to find sexual satisfaction as a married couple.

God would not be very kind, in my opinion, if He were to create the means and the affection for married couples to express love to each other sexually, yet deny us the opportunity to gain the learning and wisdom we need to find fulfillment and mutual joy in this critical aspect of married life.

He also states, which I agree with, that there is learning that comes from experience that you don't get until after having sex. However, being prepared will bring forth more sexual fulfillment, especially in the beginning of the marriage.

Ignorance Is not Bliss

I remember growing up watching movies and tv shows that would elude to a couple having sex. With PG-13 movies, you usually only get the beginning and the morning after. So, how is sex depicted? It is shown as something that naturally happens between man and woman. There are no bumps in the road, messes to clean, sexual dysfunctions, Urinary Tract Infections, or gender differences in the response cycle. It just begins and ends perfectly. Therefore, young adults think that's what will happen with them! Sex is natural, so everything will happen naturally! However, sex is not how the media portrays it to be. 

Not to mention, the media also tries to teach us what the purpose of sex is. Sex is all about pleasure. James M. Harper and Leslie Feinauer (2012, p. 51) said the following:

The sex-saturated culture so prevalent in modernized societies worships bodies and only focuses on the erotic purpose of sex, which emphasizes individual pleasure. Only focusing on this purpose of marital sexuality leads to a focus on "technique" to create the greatest physical pleasure. [Despite] more available knowledge of technique, couples are more sexually empty, more sexually frustrated, and more sexually lost than ever before.

Then there are young adults who grow up with this idea that sex is a sin. This leads to couples that feel guilty and sick to their stomach at just the thought of having sex or that only have sex for the purpose of procreation. 

There is so much confusion around the purpose of sex, so having a sound knowledge of all the divine purposes in a sexual relationship can be the source of sexual fulfillment as well.

Where to Turn

Just as Spencer and I listened to a podcast together before we got married, there are sources before and after marriage that we can turn to. As it says in Doctrine and Covenants 88:11, "[Seek] ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and faith." On our honeymoon, I grabbed a couple of books from Barnes and Noble in order to be better educated on this foreign concept of sex. However, a couple of chapters in, I ran across stuff that wasn't in-line with my morals and beliefs. Now I know that there are better books, especially by members of the church or Christians, that would be considered "best books." Here are some books that I hope to buy and delve into when I am not a broke college student:

"Between Husband and Wife" by Lamb and Brinley

"And They Were not Ashamed" by Laura Brotherson

"The Sex-Starved Marriage" by Michele Davis

"Purity and Passion" by Wendy Watson

"You, Me, & We" by Anthony Hughes

Of course there are several talks and devotionals that can be read about sexual intimacy. Reading what the prophets and apostles in the past have said regarding sexual intimacy has helped me come to understand of the divine purposes of sex in marriage and how it is a blessing. 

So, ignorance is not bliss and it is one of the four horsemen that keep us from sexual fulfillment. Let us turn to sources that deepen our understanding of the power and blessing of sexual intimacy in marriage. 

References

Brotherson, Sean E. Fulfilling the sexual stewardship in marriage [Word document].

Harper, J. M., & Feinauer, L. (2012). Marital sexuality and fertility. In A. J. Hawkins, & D. C. Dollahite, & T. W. Draper (Eds.), Successful marriages and 

                families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (pp. 49-58). Brigham Young University.