La Amistad

When my husband makes a cool/insightful comment during Sunday School or Institute, I extend my closed hand towards him for a fist bump.

When I found out my friend was going to be stuck in the airport for nine hours waiting for Salt Lake Express, Spencer and I hopped in the car. We drove all the way down to Salt Lake City and drove all the way back to Rexburg in the span of one night. Of course we squeezed in time for In-N-Out, a similar love we share. 

When anything exciting/scary/sad/new happens, the first person we call is each other.

Spencer and I aren't only husband and wife, we are best friends. These are only three out of a million ways that our relationship as husband and wife is deepened and strengthened by our friendship. We aren't the only ones that think friendship is vital in marriage. Doctor John Gottman (2015) said the following:

[Happy] marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company. These couples tend to know each other intimately-they are well versed in each other's likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but through small gestures day in and day out. (p. 21) 

Friendship is not only vital in marriages, but it is something that is most valued as well. Robert and Jeanette Lauer (2018, p. 20) conducted a study where couples were asked to choose from 39 different factors of what they felt were the most important ingredients in a stable and satisfying marriage. Take a look at what husbands and wives chose as their number one ingredient:

Husbands

1. My spouse is my best friend.
2. I like my spouse as a person.
3. Marriage is a long-term commitment.
4. Marriage is sacred.
5. We agree on aims and goals.
6. My spouse has grown more interesting.
7. I want the relationship to succeed.
8. An enduring marriage is important to social stability.
9. We laugh together.
10. I am proud of my spouse’s achievement.
11. We agree on a philosophy of life.
12. We agree about our sex life.

Wives

1. My spouse is my best friend.
2. I like my spouse as a person.
3. Marriage is a long-term commitment.
4. Marriage is sacred.
5. We agree on aims and goals.
6. My spouse has grown more interesting.
7. I want the relationship to succeed.
8. We laugh together.
9. We agree on a philosophy of life.
10. We agree on how and how often to show affection.
11. An enduring marriage is important to social stability.
12. We have a stimulating exchange of ideas.

It's interesting how both husbands and wives chose "my spouse is my best friend" as their number one choice!

I know that if couples would treat their spouse like they would their best friends, that a lot of problems would be solved. With my best friends growing up, I made sacrifices to spend time with them, put them first, served them, had inside jokes with them, went on last-minute adventures with them, etc. Can you imagine what the world would be like if every spouse put that kind of effort and emphasis on their marriage? 

References

Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert (2nd 

           edition). Harmony Books.

Lauer, R. H. & Lauer, J. C. (2018). Marriage and family: The quest for intimacy (9th edition). McGraw-Hill Education.