Cien Por Ciento

On April 19, 2019 I walked hand-in-hand with Spencer into the sealing room of the Sacramento temple. As I kneeled across the altar from him, tears streamed down my face as I listened to the beautiful words of our sealer, John Tanner. I knew in that moment that we were entering into a covenant marriage, which meant I had to treat it as such.

Elder Bruce C. Hafen, in his talk titled "Covenant Marriage", said:

When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.

One hundred percent? How does one give 100 percent? What does that look like in a marriage?


In a book titled "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives" (Duncan & Zasukha, 2012, p. 29-30) it provides three ways in which we can nurture covenant commitment in marriage.

1. Intentional Personal Dedication

We have to be intentional about and dedicated to our marriages. This means sacrificing, changing, learning, overcoming, and resolving. Elder Robert D. Hales (1996) made the following comment:

An eternal bond doesn't just happen as a result of sealing covenants we make in the temple. How we conduct ourselves in the life will determine what we will be in all the eternities to come. To receive the blessings of the sealing that our Heavenly Father has given to us, we have to keep the commandments and conduct ourselves in such a way that our families will want to live with us in the eternities. 

2. Exclusive Cleaving and Unity

We know that Doctrine and Covenants 42:22 reads, "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else." President Spencer W. Kimball (1972, p. 143) expounds on this verse:

The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.

3. Practice Spiritual Patterns

Creating rituals in the home is vital for creating shared meaning. Spiritual rituals, or what I like to call holy habits, are essential in giving 100 percent in a covenant marriage. President Spencer W. Kimball (2002) said the following:

When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer togethering their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meeting, keep their lives wholly chaste - mentally and physically - so that their whole thought and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their  companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle.

I know that these suggestions are a blessing in marriage. For example, Spencer and I have tried to focus in on our holy habits by going to the temple every other week, striving (and failing) to do Come Follow Me every day, praying together at night, and attending our church meetings together. By doing so, we have been able to learn from one another and receive revelation for our marriage.

I am so grateful that I was sealed in the temple to my best friend. I have loved every single day being married to him and I look forward to eternity. I know that as I have intentional personal dedication, exclusive cleaving and unity, and spiritual patterns that I won't walk away in the face of the trials, hardships, and troubles that come our way.

References

Duncan, S. F. & Zasukha, S. S. (2012). Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives. A.J. Hawkins & D. C. Dollahite               
          &  T. W. Draper (Eds.). Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life.

Hafen, B. C. (1996). Covenant marriage [PDF file]. Retrieved fromfile:///C:/Users/Corina/AppData/Local/Packages/Microsoft.MicrosoftEdge_

          8wekyb3d8bbwe/TempState/Downloads/faml300_document_covenantMarriageHafen%20(1).pdf

Hales, R. D. (1996). The eternal family. Ensign, 26. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1996/10/the-eternal-family?lang=eng

Kimball, S. W. (1972). Faith precedes the miracle. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book.

Kimball, S. W. (2002). Oneness in marriage. Ensign, 32. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1977/03/oneness-in-marriage?lang=eng